Nerd 5 Presents: What We Learned This Week at the Movies: March 4th -March 10th 2013

Not enough of this little guy in The Rock's Snitch

 

Welcome to week two of What We Learned This Week at the Movies, the time of week when I drop knowledge on all Nerd 5 readers…. Yeah… I can’t say things like “drop knowledge” that’s why my blogs called Nerd 5. Alright… well… you may notice as you read on that there is a major filmed released that I have not seen. That’s right, you’ll hear nothing this week about The Great and Powerful Oz. I will try to see the newest films as they come out to help you; but we will have to wait a few weeks for my take on Oz, be patient… it’s hard on me too.  Here we go 5 lessons for the week of March 4^th-March 10^th 2013

Movies Seen In Theatres This Week: Snitch, Phantom, Escape from Planet Earth, Identity Thief

Lesson 5. The Bourne Series has Ruined Action Films – This message goes out to Doug Liman and Paul Greengrass!!! You as the directors of the first three Bourne films have RUINED all action films from this point forward. Why? Two words: Shakey Cam. Someone’s running: SHAKE THE CAMERA!!!! Someone’s fighting: SHAKE THE CAMERA!!!! Someone’s in danger: SHAKE THE CAMERA!!!! Why is it that every action film now thinks that SHAKING THE CAMERA equals tension building? All it does is make it so we can’t see what’s happening! I can’t wait for the day when an action director looks to his cinematographer and says “Yo… dude… lock off the camera. Let the scene do the work, stop trying so hard.”

Lesson 4. America is Suffering from Trailercide – What is Trailercide? It’s when a terrible trailer kills a good movie. I saw Snitch this week, a film that needs to take a lesson from both #4 and #5. Snitch (staring The Rock, Berry Pepper, Susan Sarandon, Jon Bernthal and Nadine Velazquez) is NOT an action film. However, if you told that fact to cinematographer and the people who cut the trailer they wouldn’t believe you.  If you watch the trailer for Snitch it looks like a typical dumb The Rock action film along the lines of Walking Tall, Faster or The Rundown, but it’s not. Snitch is a heavy drama, and almost a really good one too. Its things like a poor trailer and one bad choice can bring down a film. Snitch is worth watching; but, watch it at home and try to be forgiving.

Lesson 3.  #1 Most Horrible Place to Set a Film… A Submarine – Think about it, has there ever been a good film set in a submarine? U-571? K19:The Widowmaker? Down Periscope?  Yellow Submarine? NOPE none of them good, the closest thing we get to a good Submarine film is Crimson Tide… but that film holds up less and less as each day passes, very dated to the 90s (when it was made). I hope with the failure of Phantom Hollywood learns this lesson. Phantom was so bad it put me to sleep. This is not a metaphor. I fell asleep in the theatre, I’m not really sure how the film ends because I woke after the credits had ended. So, if you need a good nap watch Phantom

Lesson 2. How to Escape from Planet Moron – Oh Canada, you try real hard. This is easily one of the worst and most skipable (look I made up a new word!)  films of the year. Escape From Planet Earth is first film from Rainmaker Entertainment, a Canadian Animation Studio, that picked up American distribution from The Weinstein Company and I hope it’s not the last (there is some surprisingly good animation in here). The film surprisingly didn’t lose money, so let’s see what the sophomore effort from this studio will be. To answer the question above “How to Escape from Planet Moron” I’ll give you three tips: 1^st DON’T WATCH THIS FILM, 2^nd for future films don’t pander to children! They are smart and will understand a more complex plot and characters then you give them credit for. Just look at what Pixar is doing. 3^rd Don’t give us typical predicable aliens; they are aliens for crying out loud. Be creative!

Lesson 1. Melissa McCarthy can (ALMOST) Do No Wrong—I’m glad that Hollywood has found a non-typical looking actress that they are willing to put some films and money behind her. I’m sad this is the first major vehicle that she gets. McCarthy shows that even in a lackluster, predicable, typical film she can be a standout. Why Identity Thief the first film to make 100 million dollars this year?  McCarthy. She is able to give this film some honesty and depth that its doesn’t deserve and actually makes you care about her character along the way. Thumbs up to her, Thumbs down to Identity Thief.