This list doesn’t include films that are so bad they are good
because those would have actually been enjoyable at times. These are ten films
to avoid. Most of them are long, unoriginal and flat out boring. Some appear on
this because of expectations that were too high, some appear on this because they
couldn’t help but be here, and some were destined to be here.
And now Nerd 5 presents the 10 worst films of 2013
10. Pacific Rim –
What happens when you give Guillermo del Toro complete control, an unlimited
budget, and endless time to make a film? A poor excuse for a summer blockbuster,
that’s what happens. In all of his freedom del Toro forgot the main thing that
makes a quality film, a good script. If all you wanted was video-game-quality giant
robots fighting the same endless fight that never escalates and delivers the
same mind-numbing scenes on a two hour loop, then Pacific Rim is for you. If you even want the slightest bit of intelligence,
character development, and original voice, look elsewhere. Pacific Rim is this year Avatar,
an over hyped computer graphic demonstration with a lack of a story, at least Rim failed at the box office; looks like
Atlantic Rim, Arctic Rim and Indian Rim
won’t be hitting a theatre near you.
9. Ender’s Game – Epic
filmmaker Gavin Hood took control of a beloved book and burnt it to the ground.
Still confused as to who Gavin Hood is? Director of X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Yup that guy got another shot a
franchise. Ender’s Game missed the
point completely and everyone on screen seemed like they were floating their
way through the process. This film wasn’t helped by a tagline that gave away
the ending. Adapting a book to film when done right can lead to many millions
of dollars from the already built in fan base; adapting a book when done poorly
is the fastest way to become one of the biggest bombs and a complete waste of
non-existent digital film. 
8. Free Birds – Two
turkeys, one smart one dumb, must team up and travel to through time to take
down the world’s biggest evil… Holidays??? Yeah. It’s a film about how Thanksgiving
needs to be taken down. Contrary to popular commercial shopping belief, there
is a holiday between Halloween and Christmas and Free Birds tried to bring it down! This film defines pandering nonsense;
it panders to children for all the wrong reasons. Watch any of the other kids
films that was released this year, even Planes
is better than this dull piece of leftover turkey.
7. The Heat – Most
people loved this movie, it was hailed as funny, original, and one of the best
comedies of the year; it’s actually appearing on some critics top 10 lists of
year and all of this baffles me. 100% baffles me. I don’t get the joke. The Heat is not original (you want an original
take on this premise, watch 21 Jump
Street from 2012), it’s not funny (a sad attempt to make swearing and Boston
cop cliché’s funny), and it’s one of the most overrated comedies of all time. The Heat quickly devolves into the same
joke over and over and over again, the plot is hamfisted and predicable, and
all in all The Heat is another failed
attempt at getting Melisa McCarthy a star vehicle (I adore her, but this is a miserable
attempt). I won’t be in line for The Heat
2: THE SAME JOKES STRIKE AGAIN!
6. Tyler Perry’s Temptation – Does anyone except to Tyler Perry to make a good
film? Honestly if you are a fan of Perry you have to want him to turn it
around. His last few projects have tanked at box office and with critics. Temptation was his first of 4 films
released into theatre’s this year (slow down Tyler, it’s not a race). Temptation felt like watching a really horribly
put together adult film, minus all the X-rated material, add in Kim Kardashian.
There’s too much going on for these very stereotypical characters to deal with
and the actors are lost in every moment of the film, it’s filmed like a low end
TV drama, and fails on every level. This film is the definition of horrible
people doing horrible things to decent people and we are supposed to care about
them for some reason, goodness Perry let’s move on.
5. Grown Up 2 –
No one should be surprised that this is here. Grown Ups 2 is the yearly Adam Sandler suckfest. It’s clear that
Sandler has no one on his team telling him “no.” Sandler can do whatever he
wants, it’s sad that these films are what he chooses to do. There is nothing
wrong with making a film with your friends. Honestly the idea of Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2 are not terrible, a group of friends catching up and
finding out who they really are, with actors you like, in locations that are
fun to look at, however it takes a good script and people who care about a
project, Grown Ups 2 lacks both. If
you like what Sandler has done the last 5 years then this is right up your
alley, but I think even those few remaining Sandler fans will be disappointed with
this junk… maybe he’s just making films for 3-year-olds now, they would enjoy Grown Ups 2.
4. Man of Steel –
Another attempt to reboot the Superman
franchise, sadly this time it worked. Man
of Steel made more money than it ever should have. It also suffered from a
steep decline in box office money. If you followed the arc of this film in
theatres it’s clear that word of mouth killed a film that people were excited
to see. People want a good Superman film; this is not a good superman film. Man of Steel is director Zack Snyder’s application
to Hollywood’s next Michael Bay. This is as dumb as any Transformers film, and even more pointlessly violent, misguided at
every turn, ignorant to the tradition of the characters, yet visually kind of
pretty. The topper to all of this is that it’s dull, predicable, and insulting.
Yet, because people flocked early to see this Snyder get helm the next film in
this unfortunate franchise. Yippie! More terrible films, this time starring Ben
Affleck as Batman…
3. Movie 43 –
Coming out in 2013’s dumping ground
(Jan & Feb), Movie 43 was missed
by most people and be lucky that you did (I wish I had). The concept is not
terrible, a collection of sketch staring the most famous people in all of Hollywood.
The cast includes Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Hugh
Jackman, Kate Winslet, Seth MacFarlane, Liev Schreiber, Namoi Watts, Anna
Farris, Chris Pratt, Jack McBrayer, Justin Long, Uma Thurman and many, many
more. However the final product is an unfunny extremely raunchy (as one point
the film was given an NC-17 rating) collection of some of the worst moments in
Hollywood history. Don’t waste a single moment of your day on Movie 43.
2. The Lone Ranger – A film so bad, so off putting, so confusing that even
Depp’s legion of fans didn’t flock to see this. Director Gore Verbinski, Depp
and Disney teamed up once to make one of the biggest film franchises of all
time (Pirates of the Caribbean) but The Lone Rnager is giant swing and a
miss. Long, unoriginal, boring action sequences, terrible direction, actors who
are phoning it in, and it’s just plain weird at times The Lone Ranger is a historically bad film. Because of its high
profile failure this film will be remembered for its failure for a long time to
come, and could end up being a tipping point away from these $300 million films
which could end up being a good thing. Somehow Disney bought two Oscar nominations
for this film (Hair and Makeup and Visual Effects) that has a 45 minute
werewolf subplot cut from it, and until they release that I’m avoiding this 6
time Razzy nominee.
1. The Counselor – blink and you would have missed Ridley Scott’s The Counselor. Starring Michael
Fassbender, Penelope Cruz, Javier Bardem, Cameron Diaz, and Brad Pitt and
written by the iconic Cormac McCarthy The
Counselor is a drag. Illogical, extremely slow, endlessly bleak… this film
is a bummer; in every sense of the word. I’d gladly watch any other film this
before I’d sit through the Counselor. Scott is clearly trying to work through
some personal issues here, but get a counselor not a $25 million budget.
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