We saw Pacific Rim. Robots,
Monsters, half the cast of FX, and a whole lot of Del Torro weirdness, which means
that of course we had to talk about it. Jeff was late, as usual…
JOSH
… why are you late?
JEFF
I'm never late. Or early. A blogger arrives precisely
when he means to.
JOSH
Shut up Gandalf! Tonight's blog will be written by a very
cranky man! You all can deal with it!
JEFF
Welcome to Talkin' in the Movies! Or "Josh's
official hater time, with Jeff, our hero.”
JOSH
Don't hate the player, hate the game! I only hate on
things that deserve hate! And as I said... deal with it!
JEFF
...Even on my birthday?
JOSH
It was your
birthday, now it's not! I was a bright ray of sunshine when we saw the film...
right... bright...?
JEFF
Meaning falling asleep and ducking out of the theater
when the action was too intense? You did share some candy, and bought tickets,
so thank you.
JOSH
Well happy birthday film, my friend. And it's not my fault
that Pacific Rim was incredibly
boring at one some points and gave me motion sickness at others. If the film
was attempting to create literal and figurative nausea in its audience; it very
much succeeded.
JEFF
Oh boo, you're just a softy. So... Pacific Rim. Godzilla meets
Transformers meets Iron Man. What's not to love?
JOSH
The Godzilla
and Transformers parts. That's what
not to love.
Let's start by you telling me what is enjoyable about CGI
porn with very little story?
JEFF
I'd like to think I'm pretty sophisticated, but you never
liked watching giant things beating each other up? That's my kind of cheese.
Sure it would have been better if the fictional society
spent a little time researching the source of these giant horrors, or god
forbid made friends with them, but it is fun to spend what remains of the
world's resources on a handful of giant compensation-bots.
Before we go much further, a basic plot breakdown: A
dimensional rift opens at the bottom of the Pacific, and through it comes a
continual stream of giant but stupid monsters (Kaijus) that march into our
coastal cities causing mayhem.
Our reaction? 20 years developing ever-bigger robots with
human pilots (Jaegers) to smack-down UFC style. The monsters get bigger, the
robots get bigger… And here we are, when humanity is almost out of bots and
finally turns its attention to the source of the problem, the rift these things
are spilling out of.
JOSH
Yeah, that’s an issue I have.
Why did they wait so long to try to close the whole? Once
they figured out that these things were deadly and they were not going to share
the planet, why didn’t we just close up the hole? It's not like the plan is
complicated. Grab a Alien-Dino from the center of the earth and send him back
where is his over-complicated-Pan's Labyrinth-rip-off ass came from and blow it
up with a bomb... really no one thought of that till the 11th hour.
I will totally give you that this is not my kind of
cheese. So it's got a long way to go before I’ll enjoy it, though Pacific Rim gets farly close to me starting
to kinda enjoy it.
Truth be told, I enjoyed the very very small back-story at the beginning that the humans of this
world have been trying for 20 years to destroy the Kaijus and they have failed,
so now this is the final option. And it actually gave a reason for why we need
to see Robot/Alien UFC. SIDEBAR: the Kaijus in this film are actually
Dinosaurs? A little piece of information that is glossed over in the opening
segments. REALLY, THEY ARE DINOSAURS.
JEFF
They're not really dinosaurs! They're what wiped OUT the
dinosaurs.
JOSH
What? The film states that they came out lived for a
while but the planet wasn’t ready, so they went back in their Hobbit hole.
JEFF
They came out - MASS EXTINCTION - then sniffed the air
and thought "Not polluted enough, I'll come back later."
JOSH
Was that said? Honestly, did I miss it or are you just
reading into it? Because what I stated before was what I remember from the
film. I will admit if I’m wrong, but I don't remember any further info.
JEFF
I think it was a misunderstanding of a logically murky,
vaguely-alluded-to bit of exposition. And honestly, the least of this film's
problems.
I liked this movie, I had fun, but I'm not putting it on
a pedestal.
JOSH
All of the film’s exposition was logically murky and
vaguely-alluded-to. That's the issue, stop trying to distract me with big dumb
robots fighting animal like alien-dinos from the middle of the earth. Give me
something to latch on to, something to root for, something to care about.
This film treats its characters like caricatures. There
is no depth, nothing interesting about anyone on the screen. The film is a predictable
as all get out, everything was telegraphed and over foreshadowed! Even to its
predicable solution at the end. What's to enjoy about predicable, over-hashed
nonsense?
JEFF
It's true that this movie didn't play anything close to
the chest, but in a weird way that's part of its wide-open, bright-eyed charm.
It has archetypical characters with clear goals and sincere emotions. It's a
cartoon. It's in the tradition of Japanese Manga or anime, which have a proud
tradition of giant robot stories. Or for us less discerning Americans, Power
Rangers. A movie which you've made me watch... twice.
It was emotionally simple and the action was just as
straight-forward. Del Torro got to live the dream. He got some great toys and
200 million dollars, and he came to play! That's what this movie is: going back
to the sandbox with a kid who has a more vivid imagination than anyone else in
the world. Perfect summer movie, and there is some pure joy in the sequences
where we can forget anything else and just get lost in the colors and action.
It's what Michael Bay wishes he could do, create justified violence in a way
that's engaging and actually makes sense to watch. Strap in and have fun.
My big question: If it's been more than a decade since
these monsters started attacking coastal cities, why do people still live in
coastal cities? I might move to Iowa, all things considered. Like James T.
Kirks great-grandfather did when a Kaiju hit Newark.
JOSH
Power Rangers is perfect... deal with it. This movie is
no Power Rangers. But your point is well taken, looking at this as a cartoon is
a great way to go and fixes several of its flaws. Considering it's got as much
animation as any Pixar film, it fits the bill.
Dealing with your "big question" first? It's
just one of the many plot hole questions that I have no answer to because the
man in the sandbox gave me no answer.
He set up a world and then half-delivered on the logic. A major failing of this
kid in his sandbox, and much like a kid in his sandbox he seems to just make it
up as he goes along. “Wouldn't it be cool if these two things got in the
biggest fight of all time in San Fran! Then a bigger thing comes along and eats
all the ice cream! Then all the people hide while the biggest thing of all illogically
gets by my Mom!” It's little kid logic, and it's my fault for expecting more
out this film.
What I really want to dive into is your statement that
this was a "Perfect Summer Movie." It is not. Let's take what I consider
to be a perfect summer movie, Jurassic
Park. That film has flaws, BUT it gives you a sense of awe and wonder, and
the story and characters have enough going for them that we can follow them
without questioning every step of the way. It’s a good 30 to 35 mins into the
film before we ever see a Dino, and about an hour before one is attacking our
characters. We are given time to accept what is happening and who we are
rooting for.
Where is the scene of awe and wonder in Pacific Rim? What is new? Find a way
with your millions of sandbox dollars to show me something Michael Bay has not
already poorly delivered. Del Torro is a WAY better filmmaker then Bay, so come
on!
My 1st and 2nd graders still know what Jurassic Park is by the theme song
(which I played today and they knew long before I told them) and Rim doesn't deliver anything new, let
alone anything better than what we've already seen.
It didn't touch me, and a good summer film should. If
it's good enough to make me accept its flaws, then it's doing its job. If it's not
good enough to make me overlook a few while watching the first time, then it's
not. Americans are a forgiving audience, even the most jaded of us, but you
need to give us something to forgive, something to root for, something to
defend.
JEFF
Ok, ok. This is a big, blow-up movie, and it's as shallow
as possible. Either you have fun with that or you don't. Jurassic Park is perfect, which is why 20 years later it still
works. This movie won't be remembered, and the inevitable sequels will squeeze
the novelty out of it for me, but for now, for today, for my birthday, I had
fun.
It didn't promise a grand story and it didn't deliver
one. What we got was some large-scale action and the invitation to join in.
Plus, the best use of Charlie Day in a movie to date. He had more heart than
anyone else in this film and whaddya know, he saves the day in a more real way
than any of our jock-wannabe role models. Way to go Charlie, way to go Del
Torro, and way to go me.
If you want to point at something truly ridiculous, point
to Ron Perlman. But hey! It's a Del Torro movie, and that's his guy. It makes
me want to watch Sons of Anarchy,
another over-the-top show, but one where Charlie Hunnam and Perlman have some real
stakes.
JOSH
Agree, Best ues of Charlie Day! Worst use of Burn Gorman
(look away Torchwood fans... look away! Be warned).
Day is the best part and made some of it watchable, it's
not a complete waste of time. I'd watch this before any Transformers film. All in all it's not the worst thing I've seen
this summer, or this year. But that's doesn't make it any better. It just makes
other things that much worse.
JEFF
So, solid C from me, with an A for ‘Awesome Attempt’ and
to the studio for giving one of my favorite artists a massive payday.
JOSH
D for me, and if it gets sequels I'd be surprised, since
it's going to STRUGGLE just to get it's money back. I mean, it lost it's
opening weekend to Grown Ups 2... a
film that I'm sure is much worse. Well, now as I did for a very small part of Pacific Rim I'm off to
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…………….
JEFF
Oh well. (steals sleeping Josh's candy)
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